38 Funny Sayings to Make you Smile and Giggle

Last modified: May 28, 2018

“Laughter is the best medicine”. This saying has proved itself to be true time and time again. Sometimes life gets tense and sometimes you just need a lighthearted comment to pick you up throughout the day. And then you might find that a friend is feeling down. What a great way to send a little token of joy and laughter their way by sharing a funny quote or witty joke.

Here are a few funny quotes and sayings to get you smiling through the day.

You call it dumb. I call it selectively smart.

Laughter is always welcome. Except when you’re in one of your goofy moods and you find you’re the only one laughing in a quiet room full of people. Then it’s embarrassing.
Life is great! Until you wake up and enter the real world. Then it sucks!
It must be great to have a friend like me to laugh with you for no reason at all. Doing it by yourself just makes you look insane.

When someone doesn’t have a Facebook page, you’re thinking, “What’s wrong with them?” “Are they alive?” “Did they get wiped off the face of the Earth?” Then you see yours and you envy them somehow.

A wise man knows that a woman is always right.

I’m not overweight. I just like to eat three square meals a day so that I don’t look like my malnourished, weight-deficient friends.
I’m not rude. Sometimes I just say what everyone else is thinking but too afraid to say out loud.
Everyone has had that friend that is filled with drama and it seems like everything about their life is messed up! If you don’t know anyone like that, chances are you are that friend.
Sometimes I just sit in a room alone and soak in all of my awesomeness.
It’s not that I don’t want to be around you. I’m just allergic to stupidity.
Don’t get mad when I ask you to repeat what you’ve said. It’s just that my brain retains only 25% of all of my conversations.
Since I’ve entered the workforce, I’ve mastered the art of laughing to keep from screaming.
If you hate your life, the solution is simpler than you think. Start changing everything and everyone around you and watch the change come. You’ll either be happier or you’ll have screwed yourself up even more. But it’s worth the risk.

My Sunday “To Do” List: Sleep, Eat, Nap, Eat, Do Nothing, Wish for Monday to never come!

Don’t you just love when you replay an argument in your head and suddenly discover all the good comebacks you could have used?
My circle of people remains very small. That’s because it takes a special kind of person to tolerate and understand my language of sarcasm.

Being a woman is a beautifully, empowering experience. Except when mother nature pays you a monthly visit, then you’re wishing you could trade in your lady parts.
My room is not messy. It is strategically organized so that nosy people can’t find anything in it.
I was nervous for a while and feared that I was developmentally challenged. Then I discovered that there are other 25-year-olds that still love cartoons.
Now that I am a young adult, I find that I have an increasing need for stimulating and intellectual conversations about the important things in life… like the latest episode of Spongebob.
The worst part of becoming an adult is looking back and realizing everything that Mom and Dad lectured you about was right.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been secretly abducted by aliens and dropped off on a planet inhabited by only stupid people.

Original photo by Tomi Tapio K – https://www.flickr.com/photos/tomitapio/

Life is like a bag of sour patch candy. Sometimes it’s sweet and sometimes it’s sour.
I started college to broaden my horizons and find new opportunities. Perhaps I’ll bump into these horizons and find these new opportunities buried somewhere underneath all this student debt.
Dear Brain: Stop stressing about what somebody else is thinking in their head and worry about yourself.
You’re not stupid. You just don’t know what to do with all that stuff in your head.
When I was single, I prayed for a man. I got a man and now I pray to be single again.
I am your best friend that keeps you up all night, robbing you of your sleep, and filling your head up with nonsensical foolishness. Love, the Internet.
I don’t want to stay single. I just want to find a guy as weird as I am.
When people ask me why I have to be weird, I’m like, “Weird is different. Why do you have to a mindless, conforming zombie robot blending into your surroundings?”

If I were President of the United States, I would set an international embargo on Mondays.

If I were President of the United States,
I would set an international embargo on Mondays.

I would have asked what you’re thinking, but the blank look on your face has already told me the answer: “Absolutely Nothing.”
Life is tough. But I am tougher, so bring it on!
When you screw at life, don’t fret! Tomorrow is your blank slate to start all over again.

I’ve busted so many ex-boyfriends cheating. I figured it’s a sign that my calling is to become a private investigator. I think that is a field that I can excel in given my prior experiences.
Pet peeve number 1: Someone making me laugh when I’m trying to stay mad.
I don’t have a smart mouth. I’m just better at you at speaking my mind.
One day I hope I become my boss’ boss so that I can show him what it’s like to have someone hounding you all day.
It’s a hard task trying to heal a broken heart. But a little alcohol will do the trick.
I hate you and love you at the same time. It was weird at first but it just comes naturally now.
I know you have reached best friend status when I can’t stay mad at you because you’re the first person I have to talk to when something crazy happens.