Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
Aaaah… Valentine’s Day, a day when a man’s or woman’s fancy turns to love. However, not all of us are adept at expressing our affections to the one we love. In fact, for many, this day is one of stress, not love as they struggle to appropriately express their true feelings.
Never fear, here are some ways you can let that special someone know that you’re thinking of them.
Funny Valentine’s Day Messages
- I bought candles, some Barry White music and a few bottles of chilled champagne. That should keep your parents busy all night, so we can really enjoy this Valentine.
- Valentine’s Day was a traditional feast to commemorate several different men named Valentine who were all killed for their faith. So… let’s use this as an excuse to get busy!
- This Valentine’s Day I just want to say “please don’t ever leave me”. My healthcare plan doesn’t cover broken hearts.
- I wanted to woo you this Valentine’s Day and sing you a beautiful song. But then I heard myself sing and decided that I’d do better if we just made out a lot.
- I want us to be like Barack and Michelle. Or Brad and Angelina. I want us to be together like Kim and those rich guys.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, blah blah… I suck at poetry, but I love you.
- I told my parents I was in love with a stripper. Now I want you to meet my parents, sugar. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- For this Valentine’s Day, let’s roleplay to get into the spirit of love: I’m going to dress up like a naked baby angel and use a bow to shoot you with heart tipped arrows. Or, I could just give you candy and take you to dinner. What do you say?
- Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet…
You’re my lady, my life, my creep!
- Of all my lovers, you’re the probably the eighth best. You made the top ten! Happy Valentine’s!
- Every day I wake up and I think of you. Thanks for the morning inspiration, honey. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Remember when I said I thought your mother was sexy? No? Me neither… Happy Valentine’s!
- Scientists believe that a large explosion called the Big Bang was the start of our universe. Tonight, let’s devote ourselves to science.
- I want the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Is it chocolates? Flowers? Dinners? No. The perfect Valentine’s Day gift is Ryan Gosling. But if he’s not available, I’ll take you.
- Some people say the world today doesn’t have enough love. This Valentine’s Day, let’s make some.
- There are 364 days in a year that aren’t the day after Valentine’s Day. We can be on time for work on those days.
Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Her
- I bought you a very expensive gift this Valentine’s Day, but Cupid came and stole it away with my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Love is like a box of chocolates, beautifully wrapped on the outside, but full of surprises on the inside.
- If fate has destined that we spend eternity together, then I better go and enjoy the strip club now. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Babe, sometimes I can’t help but wonder whether it is really worth fighting for love. But then I see you and I arm myself to the teeth and rush headlong into battle. Have a sweet Valentine’s Day.
- When I fell in love with you, my heart was locked, the key thrown in the mud and then run over by a truck. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- All of the drama you put me through this past year almost made me shun you this Valentine’s Day, but then I remembered I wanted to get laid. Just kidding! Have a beautiful Valentine’s Day.
- I think your parents didn’t name you appropriately. You are absolutely phenomenal. I think “Absolutely Phenomenal” should be on your birth certificate. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Babe, if my money grew as much as my love for you grows, then I’m certain I’d be richer than Bill Gates by now. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Tonight I will strip off your clothes like you’re stripping that box of chocolates! Happy Valentine’s Day.
- This year I’ve decided to truly test the depth of our love by not buying you anything yet still expecting to get laid. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- New studies have shown that Saint Valentine was actually a staunch feminist whose goal in life was to bring about the slow, painful demise of men by promoting love. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- I hope this box of chocolates proves to be a lasting symbol of my affection for you, because I’m not buying anything again until next year. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Sweetheart, I love you more than a macho man loves the gym.
- You are like a mother to me, so now it has become inappropriate to buy you gifts on Valentine’s Day. Love you!
- Because I love you so much, everything about me is yours, including my debts. Have a beautiful day.
- On this day of love, I just want you to know that I can’t live without you just like a teenager can’t live without his/her smartphone. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Honey, I love you even more than Jesus loves you. And that’s really major, considering how much Jesus really loves you.
- My love, because of your presence in my life, every day is as happy payday!
- I knew I had fallen head over heels in love with you the first time you farted and I didn’t run away. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Him
- As a stray dog always finds his way back home, you have found your way back into my heart this Valentine’s Day.
- Being with you affirms the ageless truth that true love isn’t based on looks. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- February 14 is a special time of the year when we acknowledge the love we’ve spent the other 364 days avoiding. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- If this gift can inspire you to last a whole three minutes tonight, then it was worth the expensive price! Happy Valentine’s Day.
- If you really loved me, you’d buy me chocolates every day. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- If they were to keep a dollar for every reason why I love you, the money would be so huge no bank would be able to keep it. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- You are the real-life superhero of my world, but I just wish you would keep your mask on. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- When Cupid shot his arrow of love, it caught me directly in the heart, came out the other side, ricocheted of a wall then hit me the heart again! Happy Valentine’s Day.
- The next time I see Cupid I’ll have a few choice words for him like ‘thank you for saving my life.’ Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Cupid must have a special place reserved for him in heaven as compensation for bringing us together. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- You are the only travel agent owning a ticket to my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- I wish every day were Valentine’s Day so that I would always receive sweets from you. Enjoy your day, my love.
- The only sad thing about celebrating Valentine’s Day with you is that we get to do it only once a year.
- Receiving expensive gifts on Valentine’s Day isn’t nearly as valuable as receiving the love of a priceless man like you.
- Just as Cupid shot me in the heart when I met you, Valentine’s Day shot me in the wallet this year. Love you dear.
- My ex wanted to be with me this Valentine’s Day, but I told her this date is strictly reserved for the one I love. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- I like chocolate, and I adore flowers, and I think jewelry is fantastic, but I absolutely, positively love you. Happy Valentine’s Day!
- The only scent more fragrant than a fresh bouquet of flowers is the sweetness of your breath when we kiss. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- When I wake up and found that you’ve already showered, ironed your clothes and made breakfast then I know it’s that special day. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- May our love always be sweet like chocolate, fresh like a bouquet of flowers and shine like a diamond. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- My Mount Rushmore of love is me, you, Saint Valentine and Cupid. Happy Valentine’s Day.
- Wishing a very happy Valentine’s Day to a wonderful man blessed with the most wonderful girlfriend/wife in the entire world.
- My love for you is so strong that even if you lived in America and I lived in Mexico, not even President Trump’ s crazy wall would be able to prevent me from being with you. Happy Valentine’s Day.
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