I will not make any age related jokes because I really feel bad about how old you are. Happy Birthday!

32 Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Those Closest to You

Have you been looking for the best birthday wishes for those people in your life who like the jokes and extra playful pokes? Well then, giving your loved ones a teasing birthday wish is definitely the way to go. From naughty wishes to playful, laughter-inducing quotes, naughty wishes will make your friends and family feel like you know them well enough to crack up with them – even on their birthdays.

While sarcasm has its limits, and can sometimes go over the line, it is a fun thing to share with those closest to you. With these birthday wishes you can share the gift of laughter, story-telling, and memory-making, all through a few words carefully thought out (or go the option of birthday memes if you want something really simpler). The following is a compilation of the best sarcastic birthday wishes that will no doubt add something extra special to anyone’s birthday.


Sarcastic Birthday Messages

  • For your birthday today I’m giving you what you give me every day- sarcasm, a bucket load of trouble, and a handful of naughtiness. Happy birthday.
  • Cheers to you on this very special day. What day is it? It’s the day you shot through your mother’s uterus! Happy birthday.
I will not make any age related jokes because I really feel bad about how old you are. Happy Birthday!
I will not make any age related jokes because I really feel bad about how old you are. Happy Birthday!
  • Wishing a big happy birthday to the guy who makes me feel like I finally have a little sister! Happy B-Day, bro.
  • What?! You’re how old? That’s like almost dead in doggy years…. Here’s hoping you make the most of the few years you have left. Happy birthday.
  • Make her Smile on Her Special Day : Funny Birthday Wishes for your Wife
  • Oh great, I hear it’s your birthday. Does that mean today you get to use that as your excuse to get wasted? Ok, ok… I’m in… but only because it’s your birthday. #favors
  • Hey! It’s your birthday! I love this day because we both get to party hard and live large this one day of the year. Thanks a million for making your big day mine too!
  • May you live long enough after today to eat lots of cake, kiss someone’s ass, and rob a bank so you can go out in style. Happy birthday, you big trouble maker!
  • Wishing you all the Facebook messages from your crushes that your heart can handle. Happy birthday to the stalker of the century!
  • Young and immature. Those are two words that usually go together- but with you young is gone and immature somehow stayed for a while. Oh well, I guess old and immature works for today. Happy birthday to you, you expired and irresponsible human.
  • If there was a list of words to describe you on your birthday this would be it: bad, naughty, less than perfect, helpless, wasted, immature, bad ass, embarrassingly hilarious… well, you get the point, right? Anyway, happy birthday. I hope that after today I can still put up with you for another year.
Happy Birthday! Welcome to the middle ages.
Happy Birthday! Welcome to the middle ages.
  • I really try my best to like people. But most of them are so stupid I just can’t. Thank God you’re not one of them- happy birthday.
  • Let’s turn this birthday of yours into the official annual Let’s Get Drunk Day. What do you think? Sounds good right? Happy birthday to my new drinking partner.
  • If today was my birthday I would tell you what I really think of you. But since it’s your birthday I just got you some duck tape so you can shut me up for the next 24 hours. Enjoy it while it lasts.
  • Hey! I hear today is the day you were born into this world… great job for staying with us this far. Happy birthday to the only real psychopath I know.
  • Before I found Pinterest, you were the most creative, interesting, and coolest person I knew. Well, nice job for trying and happy birthday.
  • Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullshit. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
  • Your LOL Message! | Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend
  • Tell me again how old you are? Wasn’t your childhood pet like… a dinosaur? Ha ha… happy birthday you ancient old, awesome human.
Happy Birthday! Congrats on reaching an age when getting a "quickie" means a 15 min nap.
Happy Birthday! Congrats on reaching an age when getting a “quickie” means a 15 min nap.
  • On your birthday this year I thought I would do something extra nice. I posted a ton of birthday wishes on your Facebook timeline so you would look way more popular than you are- you’re welcome. Happy birthday!
  • I would call you an angel but we both know you’re not. I would call you amazing but that’s pushing it. I would call you something special but I mean, I have to be honest- after all it’s your birthday. Happy birthday to someone… different. In a good way, of course.
  • It’s like time has stood still- you haven’t changed a bit all these years. Is that a good or bad thing? Either way, have a great birthday.
  • They say that age is just something we experience in our minds- well if that’s true then I guess our bodies didn’t get the memo. Have a great birthday old person.
  • Here’s to wishing you a birthday that doesn’t totally suck! You deserve it. Cheers.
How old? Congrats on reaching an age that doesn't mean anything at all.
How old? Congrats on reaching an age that doesn’t mean anything at all.
  • You know that we are good friends when I remember your birthday without a Facebook reminder- happy birthday to my best friend ever!
  • Hey birthday girl, I hear you were born today. Congrats on the achievement.
  • Hey birthday boy, I hear you were born today. Congrats on that.
  • If we could reverse time I would want to go back to this very day: the day you were born. Then I could laugh at all your imperfections just like I do now- you must have been one little hot mess. Now you’re just a bigger hot mess. Happy birthday.
  • Top 100 Original and Funny Happy Birthday Memes
  • After all these years I can’t believe you still put up with me. Well, I guess it’s only fair, since I still put up with you. Happy birthday.
  • Here’s me wishing you all your heart desires on this day. Things like ice cream, sexy men, donuts, fast cars, and more. Happy birthday, you big trouble maker.
  • If life was only about living with love and finding happiness, God wouldn’t have made other stuff: like money, cake and sex. Here’s hoping you get all these things on your birthday. Happy birthday to someone who deserves it all.
Wishing you a birthday that doesn't totally suck
Wishing you a birthday that doesn’t totally suck


You May Also Like:

Cracking a Birthday Joke | Huge List of Funny Birthday Messages and Wishes

Tease Them If You Love Them : Funny Birthday Quotes

Supposedly Wiser : Funny Birthday Wishes for your Husband

A Great and Hilarious Tribute to your Sis! | Funny Birthday Wishes for your Sister

200 of the Best Birthday Messages to Make Someone’s Day Special

author avatar
Elias Malassidis

Elias's tendency to storytelling could have been a hereditary thing, but his love for everything urban, for all things modern, and for the answer to the question 'why' all led him to his personal quest for self-fulfillment.

He has been a leading member of the team behind Birthday Wishes Expert, and has served as the chief editor on the website.

He is an avid traveller, a film director, and a recording artist under the moniker El Buho.

(Website | Spotify | Apple Music )